This week has given me a lot of reasons to be proud of my children. We started out with a trip to get pictures of Vitaly and Spencer to match the pictures we have of the other kids on the wall. It turned into a full out photo session for all 4 kids that were with me and they had fun and I was stressed (something about trying to keep kids clean and prevent horsing around amidst expensive photographic equipment and waiting, and waiting.... I am sure some other Mom out there gets the picture and has felt the stress.) I will post a few of the pictures. It may be hard to tell but both Vitaly and Spencer have gained 15-20 pounds since they arrived in the US.
Devin performed at the tabernacle in SLC with the All State Choir as part of the Temple Square concert series. We took the family to the concert and it was AMAZING. I have been to MANY concerts in my life and I was truly inspired by this one. Imagine hundreds of really talented youthful voices at least twice as big as the tabernacle choir. It was just like what I imagine the singing in heaven to be like.
Next Alisa and Holly ran a 5K race for Red Ribbon Week and that was cool for me to see my oldest daughter and youngest daughter doing something fun together. There is nothing more rewarding than when your kids love each other and get along. Which brings me to my hardest trial right now: I am having a really, really hard time with Vitaly and Spencer and their resentment toward affection that I show to Scott (our 6 year old son--the youngest) They seem to resent any love that I show to Scott as if somehow my loving Scott means that I don't love them or something. They take it out on Scott behind my back by doing mean things to him (like slamming his head in the door and trying to hurt him a variety of ways and constantly trying to get him in trouble.) This starts a viscious cycle. My mother hen instinct wants to protect my child, who is quite innocent, and I feel resentment toward the other boys and it makes it harder to show love to them which makes it even worse. This coupled with Vitaly's lack of respect for me which seems to be getting worse instead of better. It is a good thing that a vacation is on the horizen because I am about at my limit. I am going to hire a bodyguard for Scott and escape to Hawaii. I hope I come back :) It has been 4 months that I have been Vitaly and Spencer's Mom and the honeymoon period is definately over :) Someone once told me that it is difficult to adopt children that are higher in the pecking order than your current children and I think it truly presents some real challenges. Enough about that. Hopefully it will get better soon.
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Oh I hope it does. We didn't have violence since "no hitting girls" was the very first rule we tackled but we defiantly have the pecking order thing going on. Like where we sit in the car etc, who sits by me at church etc.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some good advice for showing them there is enough love in your heart for all your children. I will think on it. Maybe there is an object lesson we could come up with?
Love the pictures! Really? They have gained that much weight?? Crazy. They must have been really skinny!
I hope you have a fabulous, well deserved vacation!
Hi there. Oh, the jealousy part is so hard. It's so hard to be fair and equitable, especially when you feel such loyalty to your biologicals and your adoptees can be such a problem. Have a great vacation. You'll be recharged when you get back.
ReplyDeleteThose two boys! It would make me mad at them too. Cute little Scott. The poor kid. Don't worry about your lack of loving feelings? I give you permission to not like them sometimes. The kind feelings come and go. Sometimes the kind feelings are few and far between. We all feel that way.
ReplyDeleteYou actually considered taking the kids with you to Hawaii. Ha Ha. Now you are seeing the light:) That is how I keep going. Break- war- break-more war- break. The breaks are survival. However, they only work if there is no guilt involved. Eventually day by day, month by month it gets easier. I can only see that in hindsight. It didn't feel that way in the moment.