logical consequences

This morning we were really mean and Wendy would be so proud of us. We discovered that none of the kids living at home did their zones except for Scott who only has to shovel the deck when it snows. We are not very demanding when it comes to requiring our kids to work. They each get a chore that takes them about 10 minutes tops to do each day. Emptying trashes, unloading the dishwasher, simple things that make the household run easier.

When we discovered that we were going to spend the day in a very messy house that all the children had left in the morning without any regard, Dave and I started to brainstorm on what would get the kids' attention. We talked about moving all their mattresses to the front porch and making them clean to earn their bed's back. We considered grounding everyone and taking away all the electronics in the house (Tvs, video games, computers etc.) We thought about moving ALL the kids into one room at the end of the basement and making them all live in that one room and eat in the basement kitchen and not letting them go into the rest of the house and spend time. (the staying in one room would have been pretty painful for some of the kids) Finally Dave decided to take all the electronics and to put remnants of the unfinished jobs on the kids' beds with a sign. The worst was the trash cans on Devin's bed (It will actually be a really good incentive for him to wash his bedding :) Daniel got a bedful of clean dishes that he forgot to unload and Spencer got a closet full of coats and gloves that he keeps stashinng on the floor of the closet instead of putting them away.

The kids were ticked when they got home. Tonight's FHE will be kind of fun as Dave discusses AGAIN what we expect. Maybe now they will listen a little more carefully.

More pics of Baby Ali.

Here are some more pictures of our new grand-daughter. She is truly adorable and definitely straight from heaven.

Heather and Joe's new Baby

New Arrival!
Our little girl is here!

Name: Alicen Debra Palmer
Weight: 8lbs. 2 oz
Length: 19.5"
Born: January 19th 2011
Time: 12:40 A.M.

We will post more pictures and details soon...both mommy and baby are healthy!

Social Security Card Saga

Our accountant told us that we needed a social security card for Spencer and Vitaly and so I started checking into how to get one for them. I guess that I imagined that we could go online and type in a few things and the cards would appear in the mail soon after. Well not really that easy :)
I called the number and well if you are bored and feeling exceptionally patient sometime, you should call and see how much fun you can have with that automated system. Finally I got a live human on the phone and an answer that we had to go to a SS office and there was not one in Logan and that I should go to Ogden. Since Ogden is about an hour away and I didn't want to take my chances at getting a person again, I asked what documents I would need specifically and gathered the birth certificate (from Ukraine) and the adoption decree and felt very satisfied that I was on my way to a brief, delightful experience. Dave and I decided to stop in Ogden on the way to see his mother in Springville and after I went through the thorough security check at the door I walked into a room FULL of people. Frankly, it was a little like being back in Ukraine. I texted Dave who had to wait in the car because he had forgotten his driver's license and was therefore not allowed past the checkpoint. I had to take a number and wait FOREVER to get the priviledge of seeing a person behind the glass. When I did I was told that I didn't have the correct documents. I needed to have their passports, visas and certificate of citizenship. I told my sob story about coming all the way from Logan and now being late to see my mother-in-law and how I had called ahead and these were the documents I was told I needed. Even though it was Christmas and my only crime was being nice and adopting 2 boys from Ukraine, No luck, No mercy another trip would be required and the nice lady wrote on a sticky notes the things I would need "next time."

It took a few weeks to get my nerve back up to go back. This time I was on the way to a Save a Parent luncheon and planned for an extra hour for the SS stop in Ogden. Same airport security at the door, same elevator to level 2 but this time the room was even more packed than before. I tried to find a seat next to someone who looked like they wouldn't kill me. The only smiling faces in the room were the big pictures of President Obama and Joe Biden on the front wall. As I sat WAITING I eavesdropped on the stories of my fellow guests. This is some of what I overheard:

*An upset man representing his father who had an issue with his Social Security. He hadn't brought the father because the last time the old man had had a big tantrum and it was too embarrassing.

*a man who needed some kind of documentation to be able to stay at the homeless shelter.

*a man who needed to understand that if he recieved Social Security he would no longer recieve unemployment

*a young mother who had not recieved her baby's SS card and thought it had been stolen and wanted to know if someone had stolen her baby's identity.

*a mother who had brought many children and needed a replacement card for her daughter to get a license.

*a man who didn't know why his SS had not been adjusted for inflation.

*a woman with a disabled son who had multiple questions about many things all while the son (about 17) was yelling, "Come on Mom, That's enough..Let's go"

I finally got the same agent who had sent me home before. I had the right paperwork and all was good. As she typed she chatted with me about everything from the price of shoes at NYC department stores ($1,500) to how the hill people of Kentucky will actually kill you if you trespass on their land.

FINALLY we were done and the cards were underway and should arrive soon. I was an hour late to the lunch but still had a wonderful time with some of the nicest people on earth.

P.S. A warning to anyone who is tempted to steal the SS cards from our mail..... DON'T

Bryan's Christmas Call

We were able to call Bryan on New Year's Day and had a great long talk with our missionary. Here is a picture of part of the family gathered around talking to him on Skype in Ukraine. The phone call lasted 4 hours (which was OK with his mission president) and everyone got to talk to their hearts' content and we were able to talk about everything. One wonderful surprise for all of us came when Holly was talking to Bryan and announced that they are expecting a baby in August (on Dave's birthday.) She saved the big news to surprise all of us at once.

As we sat there and listened to Bryan and watched the grandboys play I had such great feelings that this is the good part of life. All that work is worth it when you have moments like that.
Happy New Year Everyone.
Christy

Things I wish that I had taken to Ukraine

Here is a list of things we really missed while in Ukraine.




Rubbing Alcohol
I can't find this anywhere, I use it for a lot of things at home and really miss it here. Also not seen ever is hydrogen peroxide.

Alcohol wipes
for the cuts and scrapes and disinfecting without getting wet. I brought hand sanitizer but then you just have wet hands and then sticky hands full of dead germs.

Kitchen utensils
the kitchens have the neccesary utensils for making borsch and frying potatoes. If you need more than a potato masher, ladle, pancake turner and a grater, to cook you had better pack it.

Summer clothes
I planned to be home before now and so I brought spring clothes. I need summer clothes . I was also told that they only wear black here and so I brought a lot of black stuff. They wear all colors and you would be smart to pack something for next season too.

WASH CLOTHS
I still have not seen any for sale in Ukraine.. I bought some in Russia but they are very thin. If you like thick fuffy ones bring a few so they can dry between washings.

Light weight clothes that dry fast.
I have one shirt that dries in a day and the rest take longer because it is so humid. I am tempted to wear it everyday and pack or give the rest of the gothic looking clothes that I will probably never wear again at home, away.

Unisom
For the night trains and time changes. It may have helped to regulate us better. There is nothing more annoying than wishing for sleep that won''t come.

More American Money
We thought that we could get money in ATMs but we can only get gryvnia. We can exchange it at the bank but it takes time to find one that has US bills. They want US money for the bribes (I mean exp fees) and they are really picky if the bills are old, faded, torn or stained) Take plenty of new crisp US money.....the more conterfeight looking the better. ( Someone should make a movie about a couple who takes countefeighted money to Ukraine for the bribes. What are they going to do really?)

Shoes with good tread
There are a lot places with no drainage on the roads or sidewalks. We are here in rainy weather and I have almost slipped several times because all of my shoes are too slick. Maybe this is why the high heels are a hit because it lifts at least the the heel away from the water below. But It also is farther to fall.

More to do in spare time.
I brought things to crochet, read, write, play, stitch, etc but it was not enough. I wish we had movies in English, more to read , more games to play anything....

More for the kids to do
What I would't do for an UNO game or something that we could play together that wouldn't require language skills. We have spent hours looking for things to entertain the kids while we WAIT. There is a really slim assortment of any kinds of products for kids here especially games or cards or anything of good quality.

Instant foods that can be made with boiling water.
On the trains there is hot water available that you can make instant oatmeal or ramen or other things with. I used the 2 packets of instant oatmeal that I brought from home today and gave it to the boys for breakfast but they didn't eat it. I didn't know how to tell them how precious that stuff is.

Alina

We called Alina yesterday so that Spencer could talk to her for Christmas. She said what some people have predicted she would say: she now wants to be adopted again. She said that she wants to come to our family and when Spencer said "If our family can't adopt you do you want to go to another family in America?" She said "Yes." I think that she misses Spencer and especially at Christmas she wants family. The boys told her about all their presents and the fun things they are doing and I think that probably makes her feel like she is missing out even more.

She said that her aunt/cousin/sister, Marina told them that she was going to adopt her and Spencer and that is part of the reason she decided not to be adopted when we were there. When she allowed us to adopt Spencer, (she had to sign a paper saying that it was OK), Marina told her that since she had let Spencer go that she wasn't going to adopt her anymore and swore at her. She hasn't been back to see her and hasn't called. Alina's best friend, Anya, who the Meyers hosted, has now been adopted by her grandmother and so Alina is facing a new frontier in Ukraine.

Our hearts go out to her but we are a lot more reserved than we were before. We honestly had our hearts broken and have pretty much convinced ourselves that the right things have happened in the adoption. Since we have been home we have noticed how much harder things would be if we had adopted Alina too. Now the thought of going back and doing it all again is a bit overwhelming. I told Dave about the conversation and he said that he is 95% sure that he doesn't want to go back and do another adoption. I have been thinking about it a lot and IF we ever did go back to Ukraine to adopt again, we would definately do things differently.

If we were going to adopt from Ukraine again we would:

1. Adopt through Cathy Harris/Ukrainian Angels. who only charges $4,500 for the facilitators and the whole adoption part in Ukraine and only $1,500 for the whole Dossier prep portion. That is it. She is also the most knowledgeable and very fast, efficient and HONEST.

2. We would not be so desperate to get over to Ukraine. Desperate enough to pay same day expedition fees or Fed EX charges to send things there so fast when Priority Mail is 1/10th the price and almost as fast.

3. We would not be so desperate in Ukraine and feel like we had to have everything done as fast as possible so that we could get out of there. We would pay NO BRIBES or expedition fees to anyone. When people know that you are American they instantly feel like they have to take advantage of you. They act like they need to be "encouraged' to do their job which translates into a bribe. They don't care about the welfare of the kids as much as the money they are coveting. If the judge said that he couldn't do a court for 2 months unless we bribed him, we would say "Ok see you in 2 months" and be on the next plane home for 2 months. We feel strongly that by being a part of that whole process, we are not helping to clean up the corruption, but are reinforcing it.

4. We would take more things to the orphanage and give the kids gifts and candy in person. We found out that the package that we mailed to Vitaliy last Christmas never made it to him. This year he asked if I had mailed a package to his friends in the orphanage and I told him that mailing things to orphanages in Ukraine is a bad idea. They either get stolen during the mail or inspection process or taken by the administration and given to their friends or sold. The gifts RARELY reach the kids. I have heard too many horror stories about good hearted people doing a lot of nice things that are spoiled by evil hearted people.

5. We would take the things we missed while in Ukraine last time. I will find the list I made and repost it. Things that we just assumed would be available in a modern country that were very hard to find when we got there. We would take a long shower and enjoy our fluffy towels and eat the foods we like and prepare to "give up" the comforts of home for awhile so that we could give the comforts of home to someone else forever.